How to help?? Husband too proud. Resents me correcting errors on his resume.?

My husband works on computers and all the wiring and connections that make computers and networks function. He is great at what he does.





My husband lost his job of 10 years for a bogus reason. The manager didn't like him because he felt intimidated by him. My husband kinda looks like Mr. Clean with tattoos. The manager was a short minority (yes, he walked around with a chip on his shoulder). My husband's immediate supervisor said ';If I'd been there (not had back surgery), he never would have fired you.'; So others do see it as well. I guess you could say that my husband is depressed, and bitter about all his hard work being for nothing. The day my husband got fired, we found out our youngest son has something going on with his brain, and might require frequent neurology appts, and therapy, etc. Bye-bye medical insurance.





He wrote up a resume, and I read it. While the substance is great, it was filled with misspellings, lack of proper capitalization, missing punctuation, etc. The resume is the first thing a prospective employer would see. If it looks the way it does, he may not get the opportunity to get the interview and to shine. I asked him if he wanted me to proofread it. No, he said he was finished. Obviously, this impacts the entire family. I told him that there were errors in it. He told me no one reads a resume that closely. I told him that if it was a choice between his and a duplicate resume with no errors, I'd pick the one with no errors.





He says I'm nitpicking. I call it attention to detail. I think this stems back to the fact that he barely finished high school. He ran with a bad crowd, and his mom didn't care about school or her kids. I rec'd my BA. I graduated first in my class. While I'm a book worm, he the hands-on technical guy. I think that when I correct it, he feels like I saying I'm smarter than he is. I don't. He has made that comment before.





I can't leave all the errors in the resume. His ability to gain employment affects the entire family. I told him he needs to swallow his pride. With the job market abysmal (our area is 15.4%), the dot above ever ';i'; matters. This totally ticks him off. It offends him. He walks away with a huff and a puff. Normally I try to consider the saying ';Do you want to be right, or stay married?'; I think on this one, it's more important to be right.





What do you think? How is the best way to handle this? Every time a new cover letter is made, we have the same argument.How to help?? Husband too proud. Resents me correcting errors on his resume.?
Send it off to a resume writing service and then you get to step aside and let the writer be the bad guy.How to help?? Husband too proud. Resents me correcting errors on his resume.?
I say, shut up about it, correct his mistakes, and if he huffs and puffs, let him. You don't need to argue or convince or discuss - in this case, that only makes matters worse. Just keep your mouth shut and make the corrections, and let him be angry if he needs to be angry.
To build on say it all's suggestion, if you can't afford a resume-writing service, look around for local job centers or other community resources. But typos are the easiest way to get a resume thrown in the trash, so if he needs an expert to get that message to sink in, so be it. (Come to think of it, there are probably a few articles on Yahoo or other sources that you could point to.)
I think this is a matter of pride. I know you're not going to like what I'm about to say, but you have to leave this one up to him. Taking control of the situation is only going to cause resentment, and he'll always feel that you got the job for him.


If he comes to you for help, then help him.


I realize this impacts the entire family, but you need to have faith that he WILL find a job...and if it's on his own terms, he's going to be much happier and ego will still be intact.
You might point out that so many people are looking for jobs right now, that the smallest error might cause them to junk his and never even read it. A good cover letter shows attention to detail. If it has errors, I don't want to see that person. You might tell him that this is a case of not WHO is right, but WHAT is right. You are a partnership. Certainly you would expect him to help or correct any technical errors you make. Goes both ways. Together you are smarter than either one of you is alone.
Quit trying to be his mother. Or in this case not be his mother. But it might be best if you just leave well enough alone. If it takes grammar and punctuation for him him to get a job. It really doesn't sound like the right job for him. Let him be him and get a job for that reason.
Hi - this is a form of emasculation and superiority - it must be hurtful to your husband when you do that, although you are quite right that the corrections need to be done.





You must try not to be so bull-headed and thoughtless of his feelings. Even the bit where you b*tch about his mother and his friends smacks of superiority. Be very careful, a man who feels emasculated and hurt may look to find his masculinity restored with someone else.





Anyway...I like the first Answerer's response; let someone else be the bad guy.





Good luck.





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The Update just confirms things, I'm afraid. You do feel superior to him. It's one thing to be 'blunt' and it's quite another to be 'cruel'.
I think his ego has been badly knocked as a result of him losing his job. You need to be very careful not to come across as superior; let someone else be the bad guy (as already mentioned); tell him you're making sure by looking up words in the dictionary or using an online spelling/grammar checker - this should smooth things out a lot. Good luck.
What does your your husband's manager being a minority have to do with your retard husband not wanting to have his resume corrected???????????????????????????





Maybe it is the way you are saying it while correcting it........ THE TONE IN YOUR VOICE SAYS EVERYTHING SOMETIMES......





No one wants to be talked down to by their partner like they are a child.....
I agree with you. As an employer myself I always pick the best presented CV (resumes) before I even decide who to interview.





The attention to detail speaks volumes (for me) about their approach to work in general. If their CV is sloppy what chance do I have of hiring a conscientious, hard working individual. As is often said first impressions matter. One with lots of spelling mistakes does not make the correct impression for me.





Can you not correct it without him noticing? I would be sorely tempted to do so. Maybe without it being pointed out and just being done as if by magic he wouldn't mind as much. Or at least he won't feel as much as though you are rubbing his proverbial nose in it!





You do need to convince him, though, that presentation matters; particularly in today's working environment. If he doesn't or won't get it then I can only suggest interceptions, as it does matter to you.
I'm in HR. I would throw a poorly spelled r茅sum茅 in the trash. However, you sound like you do think you're superior, and I'm sure that's what he's chafing against.





Secondly, do you know that you can keep your insurance through COBRA and the gov't will reimburse you 85% of the cost? You have 18 months to make the decision, and the coverage is retroactive.





EDIT: Pointing out that someone's problems stem from the fact that they are a minority is RACIST. You asked a question. More than one person is saying you sound like you think you're superior. You might want to think about it instead of arguing the point.





EDIT: It's obvious to me that you don't really want help, you want to argue. I can only imagine what your husband must have to go through as you beat him into the ground arguing every point, every minute of every day. You're exhausting.
You are thinking that you are right and he is wrong. You are thinking that he needs to do things your way. And then you think threatening him with divorce if he doesn't do things your way is better?!? Wow.





When you asked him if he wanted your help, what was his answer?





Did you know that if you complimented him on the great substance, told him how proud you were that he is looking out for the family by job hunting, were willing to support him on what his doing, and were happy to be married to such a dedicated husband, he would have ASKED YOU TO CORRECT THE ERRORS!!!





Instead, because you are trying to CONTROL him, he is walking off angry. Let me ask you, if he tried to control you, how would you feel?





It doesn't matter what the issue is, allow each other to do what they want and you'll find yourselves working as a great team.





I gave suggestions above that might help. But do what actions you think FEEL GOOD to you. (I can tell that when you think about being ';right';, you're not having joyous thoughts -- so that's not the right action).





I hope this helps.
I am 41 years old and have been married for 20 years. It took me a very long time to learn what I am about to share with you, I do not often share so would really appreciate you reading what I have to say and really consider what it is I am trying to get across. No wife has to ever remind her husband of what his responsibility's are as a provider in the home, believe me girl if you think you are stressed out about him not having a job he is probarbly about 100 times more stressed out than you. The man does not have a job and already feels useless and then his very helpful wife must come and fix his resume ??? If you put yourself in his shoes I think you could imagine how he must be feeling. Your intentions are obviously ver good and that is not is question at all. It is how we go about things as women that comes out wrong so often. All he needs is someone to believe in him, which I know you do, but actions speak so much louder than words. Good Luck!!!!
You both have skills that work better together. Maybe run his resume through that nasty little thing called a 'spell checker' so he can see that's it's not just you who sees these minor errors. How can he argue with a spell checker?? LOL





Explain to him tha the is great at what he does, and you are great at what you do. Working together is always your best bet, and you're right, it affects your whole family.
Someone who is excellent at this should review his resume.





It should not be you.